Your vulnerability is the key to your team’s superpower.
We often wear masks and armor to protect the people around us: our families, our friends, our teammates, and more than anything, the people we are charged to lead. We think our masks protect the people around us from the things we see as vulnerabilities: fear, anger, disappointment, overwhelm, uncertainty. If we show them our fear, they will be scared too. If we show them our uncertainty, they will lose hope. If we show them our weakness, they will lose trust and faith in our leadership. This is what we tell ourselves when we put the armor on.
The thicker the armor, the bigger the blind spot.
As we apply layers of armor to protect vulnerabilities, we lose the ability to see the world around us as clearly. Our masks decrease field of view, leaving us interpreting the world around us through a keyhole. Not only do we miss critical signals from those around us, those closest to us will inevitably sense something, whether we want them to or not.
People see more than you want them to, and if you don’t provide the narrative, they’ll make one up themselves. You’ll be too busy checking your armor to notice how your behavior is impacting your teammates’ perceptions.
More importantly, when your team sees you put up your armor, they will feel obligated to do the same. They will stop telling you what scares them, even if their fears represent a threat to your team. They will be hesitant to put words to their uncertainty, even if it signals a blind spot in your strategy. They will not show you their weakness, because you have shown them that you do not trust them enough to show yours. They may respect your strength, but they will not trust you enough to show their vulnerability.
Shift your perspective to unlock your team’s superpower
Vulnerability is scary. Sharing it means exposing yourself to judgment, attack, ridicule…sound familiar? These are the fears that keep us from being vulnerable in a professional environment. We believe our façade defines our image, and that those weaknesses would degrade trust and respect. Research shows that the same leaders who are perceived as toxic and lacking empathy are often the hardest on themselves.
When you don’t give yourself the grace to be vulnerable,
you show your teammates that you don’t accept vulnerability.
When people feel unsafe sharing their weakness, those vulnerabilities become blind spots. Vulnerabilities are uncomfortable, but if you face them openly as a team, they can become your greatest strength…it just takes a shift in perspective:
Sharing vulnerability unlocks your team’s full potential,
amplifying collective strengths to overcome individual weaknesses.
Proactively communicating vulnerabilities to your team
One of the most impactful transitions I made as a leader was to proactively communicate my own blind spots and vulnerabilities to my teammates upfront. Doing so allowed me to control the narrative instead of letting assumptions negatively impact relationships with my teammates. When I encountered an assumption that didn’t reflect my own perception, instead of getting defensive, I took the time to reflect.
Am I closing myself off in ways that prevent clear lines of communication or connection?
Better yet, I asked my teammates how my actions impacted their perception. Their insights informed my reflection in ways that my own guessing game never could. Through that informed reflection, I was able to reset their assumptions, and create a better first impression with new teammates.
What does proactively communicating a vulnerability look like?
The examples below show how perception drove assumptions for me personally, until I found a way to share my vulnerability proactively with my teammates:
Perception: Poor eye contact and engagement during in-person meetings
Reality: I have a traumatic neck injury that limits my mobility; if I don’t sit where I can easily see everyone, it makes it hard to turn between speakers during a meeting without being disruptive
_______________________________
Perception: Lacks emotional engagement, doesn’t care
Reality: I spent 20 years training to maintain composure in a military environment, so when things get chaotic, I put on a poker face and get quiet as I mentally navigate the situation. It doesn’t mean I don’t care; it means I’m focused on listening and gathering information to improve our situation.
_______________________________
Perception: Distracted, working on other projects
Reality: Short term memory isn’t my strong suit, and I’m not an audio learner, so I’m always scribbling shorthand to make sure I capture important information. It helps me listen, follow through more effectively, and organize myself to be the best teammate I can be.
Seeking critical feedback to shift perspective & behavior
These examples come from my own experience, each one learned the hard way, through tough conversations with teammates who were willing to share critical feedback I needed to hear. After incorporating these vulnerabilities into introductions, I noticed a dramatic shift in how my teammates interacted with me. I also found ways to change my own behavior without putting my armor back on. I put my notebook in my lap instead of on the table and maintained eye contact while I scribbled notes. I took the time to slow down and ask people how they were feeling in chaotic situations. I showed up early to snag the corner chair so I wouldn’t get stuck in a position where I couldn’t engage with my team.
Every day, we have a choice: put on the armor, or share vulnerability with our teammates to build trust, increase collaboration, and leverage their collective strengths.
Stay tuned for part 2 of this series, which will include strategies and exercises to incorporate vulnerability in your leadership and build trust with your teams
Authored By: Angelina Stephens, Director
