“Wow, that could have gone better!”
Have you ever had this inner monologue after a meeting, an engagement or a conversation…or maybe even after a long day? I think most everyone makes a quick assessment or judgement after the many events during their day. The key question: so, what do you do about it?
Through my own experience, I have learned to appreciate the value of deliberate self-reflection. When I say “deliberate,” I really mean intentional and focused. In other words, through some sort of lens or template designed to consider your own actions through an intentional framework or methodology.
One technique I have used is to simply write down three character or leadership attributes that I have identified as areas for personal growth on a 3 x 5 card and place it in a prominent place where I’ll see them several times during the day. This could be taped to the edge of your computer screen, perhaps snap a photo and use it as a screen saver on your computer or phone, on the bathroom mirror, or maybe even on your vehicle’s dashboard so you see it on the way to and from work. I have also periodically put the card in my pocket so that whenever I reach into my pocket, I physically feel the card and am reminded to incorporate these attributes throughout my day at work, at home, in traffic or even on a trip to the grocery store.
I have gone through a few iterations of this exercise over the last few years, but about 18 months ago I landed on: BE THANKFUL, BE GRACIOUS, BE PATIENT.
I was almost two years into my transition to retirement following 32 years of active duty military service and I was not happy. I was doing my best to care for my terminally ill spouse who was in (what I know now) to be the last months of a 23+ year battle with brain cancer. Simultaneously, I was trying to figure out some sort of meaningful professional focus. I had built my own teaching, coaching, and consulting business around caring for my wife. This “business experiment” had its ups and downs, but I found myself feeling frustrated with my situation. I had the idea in my head that I should be doing “more with work” and doing “better at caring for my wife.”
During the course of working through developing my leadership development curriculums at Victory Strategies, I did a lot of reading, studying, and writing (and praying) about leadership and personal growth. As a result, I decided I needed to do some deep self-reflection and take an account of all aspects of my life. I concluded that I in fact had many, many blessings and I needed to adjust my mindset and daily attitude accordingly.
I decided that I had a lot to be grateful for--I needed to give myself a bit of grace and not be so self-critical of an unrealistic model of life I had set for myself. I also needed to be more gracious and patient as a caregiver. As my late wife’s condition declined, I realized I needed more and more support, so I made arrangements for some more effective caregiving. I realized I needed to be more appreciative of a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends, a stable financial situation, and most importantly for the precious moments with my wife while we could still enjoy them.
There is one very important word that I underlined on the 3 x 5 card: BE. This is the most important word, so it is on the card three times. BE is a verb and requires action. “Being” requires presence and attention. So, my model requires me to act in accordance with these attributes; not to merely think about them. I have found that treating myself and others with these three attributes is a mindset that makes me a better person and leader.
My “3 x 5 card” technique is fairly simple. It grounds me and provides me with a way to center my thinking and actions. If you decide to try this, keep it simple. Don’t try and do too much. Just pick three things to provide focus. You can always adjust your three attributes over time or even have two separate lists—one for your personal life and one for your professional life. Whatever you decide, the key is to DO IT!
BE THANKFUL-BE GRACIOUS-BE PATIENT
Authored By: Dirk Smith, Managing Director