Have you ever been singled out for criticism by your leader in the presence of others? Do you remember how it felt?
Chances are, if you have experienced this, you have never forgotten it. Getting chastised in plain view leaves a lasting and unpleasant impression. Better said, it just plain hurts. As we move forward, every recollection of that moment makes us feel the pain and embarrassment all over again. Ouch.
Now, contrast that experience with having a learning moment in private with a leader or peer genuinely interested in your growth and development. Yes, it can still be somewhat tough to hear and may sting a bit, but in your heart, you know it is meant and offered in a way that is intended to be helpful.
The best leaders know and embody this. Leadership excellence at its peak is inspirational, inclusive and motivating. It’s based on trust and carefully built over time with a deep sense of integrity and belief. Why would any leader risk shattering all of that in a moment of frustration?
No two leaders are exactly alike, but the best of the best share many common attributes. These are essential to outstanding leadership. For the purposes of this discussion, let’s call them ‘leadership absolutes.’
At the top of my list of leadership absolutes is ‘praise in public, coach in private.’ Let’s unwrap this, one piece at a time.
The best leaders look for an opportunity to recognize and praise an individual’s contribution or effort in a larger gathering. Perhaps at a team meeting or larger group business review, a leader recognizes an individual by name – unscripted, unsolicited and unexpected. If you have ever experienced this, you have seen the palpable reaction of those recognized.
To be praised in the presence of coworkers is uplifting and energizing. It is a public validation of the importance of one’s contribution and behavior, and a sign of immense respect. You can imagine how the dinner table conversation goes that evening for the person recognized!
Now, contrast that to what happens when coaching, or more likely criticism, happens in public. Picture that same team meeting or larger gathering and an individual is singled out for lack of performance or a specific criticism. Once again, if you have ever observed this, you can see the palpable reaction of the person on the receiving end. Embarrassment, shame, anger, to name a few. It is difficult to imagine a more challenging circumstance professionally. And all of this unfortunately done by choice, by a leader who let circumstances get the best of them.
The contrast between these two leadership approaches and practices is stark. If organizational culture is indeed defined as the values, beliefs, attitudes and accepted behaviors over time, would any of us desire to work or perform at our best where we are criticized in public? I have heard it said that we get the behavior we tolerate. As leaders, we own that behavior and the culture that comes with it.
So, how do the best of the best leaders deliver the tough messages and feedback we all need for continued focus, growth and development? In private. These can be difficult discussions, but if done with empathy and delivered in a respectful manner, these can be highly effective, productive, and essential to continuous improvement. We leave these discussions determined and focused, knowing what needs to be accomplished and that our leadership is invested in us.
Wherever I have encountered or personally been a part of consistently high-performing teams, the single largest factor common among these teams is trust. Trust is built and nurtured, time after time, repetition after repetition, until it becomes the norm. For these teams, it is part of who they are and what they stand for. Together, as a team, they are a force to be reckoned with. Anyone who has experienced this has never forgotten what it is like to be part of such a group.
But powerful as these teams are, the trust that propels them can be very fragile. The best leaders understand this as an absolute that needs to be recognized, respected and fostered. These leaders understand their words and actions, and particularly where they deliver them, can either bolster or erode that trust and the excellence in performance that comes with it.
Choose wisely and remember to pause between stimuli and response to understand the gravity of what comes next and how impactful your choice of words can be and thoughtful about where you deliver them.
Trust me, I am ‘absolutely’ sure.
Authored by: Jeff Boyer, Managing Director
