“Bashert” is a Yiddish word intimating destiny, commonly used in the context of one’s soulmate.
The Platoon Commander tour for a Navy SEAL is the pinnacle for a young officer. It was for me. It’s the ultimate in operational leadership. While rank gets you professional courtesy, you must earn respect. As with many operational leadership roles, that happens through your experiences of shared misery - - in the trenches WITH them.
Our SEAL Team was based out of Hawaii and one of our toughest training blocks was a six-week trip to Washington state. We went there to prepare for a cold-water environment, rehearsing our diving missions. Diving in the Puget Sound is quite different than the warm blue water off Hawaii. I suffered from chronic sinusitis. On this trip, it hit me hard and I could not get down to depth. I needed strong meds for a quick fix. I went to see a specialist at the local base. They ran tests and discovered a serious problem requiring surgery. I quickly informed my command. They instructed me to return immediately. They scheduled me for priority surgery. This minimized the recovery window such that I could return for requisite training prior to deployment. However, I would not make it back to Washington.
I was crushed and felt weak. Worse off, thought the guys might see me that way. I had flashbacks from basic training where my muscle-bound roommate commonly joked about my birdman frame. Sorry Adam, you just have bad genes. As country songs go, so there I was… feeling sorry for myself.
A few days prior to surgery in Hawaii, a friend called to join him for a night out. His cousin and her friend escaped a Michigan winter for a Hawaiian vacation on the cheap with free room and board at his apartment. I was in no mood to go out, so I passed. As any good friend does, he did not accept. “Come on! You’re sitting at home doing nothing - you got better plans?!”.
Like a bolt of lightning, I awoke to a principle I despised - - feeling sorry for myself. I knew my victim attitude was unacceptable. At this point, I obliged in an effort to live up to my values, not because I wanted to go out. Small, insignificant decision, right?
I met his cousin that night… and married her a year later. Bashert.
What controls your destiny?
I understand one’s faith plays a large role in this question. It certainly does with me. That aside, my life’s journey has proven time and again that today’s decisions feed tomorrow’s destiny. Each day we have choices that are critical for reasons beyond immediate outcome. They set trends in our life. Our human nature defaults to short-sighted calculus; if I can’t get what I want, then don’t do it. This dismisses the momentum of principle-based decisions over time. How you justify that momentum against life’s reality and things out of your control, like what you’re born in to, natural ability, etc - - is your daily battle.
My Jewish upbringing was one that did not culturally lend itself to becoming an outdoorsman. I wasn’t even allowed to play with fireworks, let alone touch a gun. At my Bar Mitzvah, the out-year predication on my adult career was between sports announcer, lawyer, or comedian. I struggled in grade school, but desired to succeed. That ambition forced me to work harder and eventually adopt my childhood motto, never give up. As a teenager, I was drawn to the military, seeking a life of service. I was ready to enlist, but my parents pushed for college. The Naval Academy could do both, though it seemed far out of reach. I decided to work even harder. See a trend?
It’s easy to rationalize your circumstances today by pointing back to some major life crossroad as that big decision. While not inconsequential, I believe your destiny rests in the day to day grind leading up to that point. It’s the small, seemingly insignificant decisions you make every day - - like snapping out of a victim mentality. It’s not about your intent, rather what you do that creates your trend.
Some folks tell me I’m one of the luckiest people they know. Maybe. I shared that observation with my older brother. He laughed and offered the cliché, luck is the intersection of hard work and opportunity.
What are you doing today to achieve your destiny?
Authored By: Adam Weiner
