A leader’s actions speak louder than their words

The key to unlocking your team’s superpower is showing them what it looks like to take the armor off, share your vulnerabilities, and work together to overcome each other’s blind spots.  Telling your teammates they can be vulnerable and showing them what it looks like are two very different things.  Your actions are more powerful than any words you can share, and your consistency will build the kind of trust that winning teams are made of. 

I used to put significant effort into protecting my teammates from disruptive events that could shift their mindset in a negative way.  If I could absorb the shock, or contain the disruption, they wouldn’t be impacted.  What I failed to acknowledge is that my mindset was impacted in ways that I couldn’t hide.  People see more than you want them to.  I wasn’t letting my team support me, and I was carrying burdens that I may not have been best equipped to handle alone. 

What does sharing vulnerability in response to a disruptive event look like?

In these personal examples, I’ll share examples I’m proud of, and one that I wish I had approached differently.  Every instance is a new opportunity to build trust through vulnerability or create disconnection by putting on armor. 

I worked in an organization that relied on harsh feedback tools and negative reinforcement to motivate subordinates.  As a leader, I was often called upon to take a verbal beating on behalf of my team.  After a particularly harsh session, instead of hiding my wounds, I came back, told my executive team that I’d taken a beating.  We were able to debrief together, developing a game plan that didn’t require me to lead from a place of isolation.  I had a supportive team sharing the burden, lifting me up, and stepping in occasionally when I needed to take a turn on the bench to recharge.

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I learned of a family member passing an hour after assuming command of a 500-person military organization, minutes before stepping into a conference room to deliver remarks and expectations to my executive leadership team.  I had a choice:  put on my poker face or admit my vulnerability.  I chose to openly share the loss, reassure them that I was ready to be there with them and needed the engagement.  I shared gratitude for their support and told them I would likely need to lean on them as I worked through the situation.  I earned their respect and trust, and gave them permission to lean on each other, and me, when presented with their own challenges.

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I experienced several personal traumatic events in close succession, taking a short leave of absence from work which happened to coincide with new teammates coming on board.  When I returned, I thought burdening new teammates with my “stuff” wasn’t setting them up for success.  In putting on my armor to protect them, I ended up creating a façade that I was closed off, disconnected, and not someone they could come to for help.  They all came to different conclusions as to why, and I hadn’t built the trust that would make them feel comfortable asking directly.  It created a lose-lose situation that negatively impacted the team and every individual on it.  I had a steep uphill climb to rebuild trust and connection, and lost an opportunity to connect with teammates that would have understood and supported me if I let them.

What am I holding onto that may be seeping through the cracks in my armor? 

When I finally shifted my approach to communicate in response to a disruptive event, my vulnerability didn’t have the negative impact I was afraid of.  My teams were able to build a more supportive culture at all levels of the organization.  We trusted each other, which built mutual respect, allowing us to navigate complex challenges without hesitation or gaps in communication. 

Communicating in response to disruptive events should be a priority no matter the circumstance if the event will shift your mindset or how you approach interactions with others. 

How to incorporate vulnerability into your leadership

Being aware of how your characteristics and life experiences affect your behavior is the first step in becoming the best teammate and leader you can be.  To increase your awareness, self-reflection and feedback from teammates are critical.  You only see things from one perspective:  your own.  Creating feedback loops and open communication to gain insight from your teammates is the only way to see what they see.  As a leader, understanding those perspectives is the first step to unlocking your team’s full potential.

Through self-reflection, or as a practical exercise with your teammates, start by asking yourself these questions:

How do I act when I’m overwhelmed?

What do I need from my teammates when I’m struggling?

What quirks do I have that are often misinterpreted by others?

What do I struggle with that my teammates may not see?

This exercise does NOT require sharing personal details beyond your comfort level.  Your team should feel empowered to share their vulnerabilities and concerns, but not obligated to divulge personal or sensitive information. 

Vulnerability isn’t easy, and it isn’t comfortable.  Stepping beyond your comfort zone to share your vulnerability is critical to becoming the best version of yourself.  Teaching your teammates to do the same allows them to use their superpower, turning your vulnerability into the team’s strength. 

For more on leveraging your team’s superpower by sharing vulnerability, read the first part of the series HERE.

Authored By: Angelina Stephens, Director